big man bear hugs

i saw the big man today - he asked me 'how are you'
(he had this look, as though he could read my mind)

and I replied, with a smile, 'I'm well.'
when what i want to say is

i am hurt and angry,
confused and frustrated,
and very sad. . . .
but i am also excited - life is full of changes and possibilities
there is so much opportunity
i love my life
i would not change it for the world
but i am very sad

funny how we do not say the things we really feel
even to the people who really care.

it would bring me to tears and i would end up in a big man bear hug
and that would feel good
but i do not say the things i really feel.

maybe tomorrow i will stop being afraid and tell him the truth