big, scary world

i wake up each morning and drag my ass out of bed knowing that it must be done. i would rather stay under the covers, i would rather hide away from the big, scary world but it is impossible.

so i do what i must. i go out into the world and try to be excellent. i try to exceed my own expectations. there is so much potential and possibility for each day and i struggle with realizing even a small piece of it.

i walk to work each day, and as i put one foot in front of the other i tell myself that it will be a great day. i tell myself about all the things i will do, all the people i will see, and how great i will feel at the end of it all.

it works. i make it through my days and back to my apartment where i paint and write and blog. sometimes i go out and make new friends - another big struggle because i have trouble believing that anyone wants to talk to me. but once i start it, once i put myself out there it is not so hard and i am proven wrong.

lately i have started to notice that it seems easier to go out into the world and do what i must. it has not felt like such a terrifying thing. i wonder if someday i will stop thinking about it, will it just be the way i am.