what was i thinking?

sometimes i look back on the three years of my life that were spent living in a dirt house and i wonder what went wrong. how did that happen?
do you have things like that in your life? things you believe in. you think you can do it and your whole life is absorbed by it and then it just fizzles.
a lot to learn from it i know, but i can not see it yet.
the only thing i can see about it right now is that there is nothing you can do to ignore who you really are and what you really need in life. nothing at all. try to lie to yourself about what you want and unhappiness fills every nook and cranny.
i knew right from the start that it was not my path, it was a beautiful idea but not my life work. building houses out of the earth, living away from people out in the country. . . not my passion.
i managed to know what i don't want and there must be something to that.